


Spring awakening

by mirambella



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Alex POV, Attempt at Humor, Bromance, Crush, M/M, Pining, Pre-Canon, Winter Break, introspective, sexual awakening
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:00:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26091529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirambella/pseuds/mirambella
Summary: Set Pre 4x01, mostly Alex' sexual awakening and coming out to himselfor that Netflix rom com we always lie about when we say we didn't like."The fact that he was experiencing weird situations involving boners and dark desires for boys didn’t mean he was gay. Bi. Pan. Multi. Whatever. He didn’t like labels. He heard them all the time and with the worst possible connotations: psycho, weird, fag."
Relationships: Charlie St. George/Alex Standall, Zach Dempsey & Alex Standall
Comments: 13
Kudos: 43





	Spring awakening

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to dive in Alex' sexual awakening and how he started liking boys and this mess came. It is something light, not very deep, to entertain you.
> 
> Alex thinks Charlie is straight in this one. 
> 
> Betaed by the lovely @QueenC

His head felt like a washing machine in an infinite cycle. Usually, Alex could blame all kinds of sensations and behaviors to his TBI, but something different was occupying his mind this time. 

It wasn’t new. He'd had those feelings coming and going for weeks, even months, but they sounded unimportant when you're trying to cover up a crime and face a brain lesion consequence of a suicide attempt. It was enough to have on the table. 

Alex didn’t need to add sexual confusion to his already messy life. The only thing he was sure about was that he had loved Jess. Damn, he still loved her deep inside, but it wasn't healthy and he knew it. Sex wasn’t great between them, but that was more the result of his physical problems, and in this case that his girlfriend was in love with another guy. 

The fact that he was experiencing weird situations involving boners and dark desires for boys didn’t mean he was gay. Bi. Pan. Multi. Whatever. He didn’t like labels. He heard them all the time and with the worst possible connotations: psycho, weird, fag. 

He loved girls. He masturbated too many times thinking about Natalie Portman. Alex wasn’t against queer people, it wasn’t like that. The only problem was that he wasn’t sure about many things in his life, his sexual orientation being one of the few ones he knew for sure. It kind of surprised him to have a debate that was in some ways diminishing his confidence. Again. 

And that was something important, because he didn’t believe in stereotypes and never cared about how he looked, how he spoke or moved his hands. People who assumed things about others based on their behavior were close-minded bigots, but discovering something about himself self after all that chased him had him feeling confused and anxious. 

Then Zach happened, but Zach was breathtakingly attractive,everybody could see that, and some situations worked against his teenage body full of hormones. Like physical therapy or learning how to dance not to embarrass himself in front of all Liberty High. 

Did he have a crush on his best friend? He wanted to call it a bromance. They joked and they messed around. What was the harm to that?

Well, maybe the fact that that little situation developed in more and more curious looks around the gym, and when a very attractive boy entered Monet’s was a little bit of a revelation. 

It was difficult to run from the matter once school was finished, the Walker case closed, and Alex was out of the commotion of the last semester. That meant a lot of time to think and not much to occupy one's mind. 

So he started hanging out with Tyler. Tyler was weird (a little bit like himself, in some ways), sweet, and used to talk too much when he was passionate about something. And, to be honest, he didn’t awaken any disturbing thoughts Alex wasn’t ready to face. First, because he was a survivor of sexual assault, and that would be very uncaring, and second, because he didn’t seem to be his type (if he had a type, that is). 

However, of course Tyler Down had to be a traitor and bring Charlie St. George with him essentially all the time. Charlie. Alex kind of accepted the guy after he covered for him and put the evidence into Monty’s locker. That was a lot of risk from an outsider, a jock. But he didn’t know much more about him before winter break. 

And he discovered Charlie was gentle, caring, funny, and had a perpetual smile in his sweet but masculine face. Not that these were any inconvenience. They kind of bonded over cinema (he worked at the Crestmont, after all), vines of puppies, and the imperative necessity of taking care of Tyler and protecting him at all costs. 

The problem started, for Alex at least, when he discovered something more frivolous. God damn, Charlie was hot. 

Not that it wasn’t obvious, he was the co-captain of the football team, after all. The inconvenience came with the fact that Charlie didn’t have any reticence when it came to changing in front of people, or getting naked for no reason. Again, a very common quality between jocks. 

And he was hanging out with them every day. And every day it was torture. Well, most of the days. 

They used to hang at the pier, at Monet’s or at the Crestmont. The winter weather was ensuring layers of clothes and no temptations, but more often than not they had video games battles, house movie nights, and sleepovers. Every now and then, Tyler would fall asleep, and if they were alone at Charlie’s house, they would call it a night. 

And then the torture started. 

It was ok when Charlie changed into his pajamas in a regularly fast pace and went straight to bed. Then he would politely say goodnight to them in the extra mattress on the floor and switch off the light. The problem aroused (no pun intended) when he went to the bathroom to wash his face, brush his teeth, or even take a shower. The unuse of doors in that house was concerning to Alex, especially with his room being in front of the bathroom. 

Ok, yes. He stared, longer than necessary, but who wouldn’t? The relaxed kid was walking with a towel around his waist like it was nothing, small drops falling from his wet hair to his broad shoulders, soft hair making its way to his V line. 

Alex was fucked and tried to fake he was sleeping. He was caught on more than one occasion, and he avoided the embarrassment with a joke about how Charlie as a jock tried to show off.

And Charlie had the decency to blush. Alex hated him. 

He couldn’t wait for school to start, his responsibilities and other burdens invading his mind. He was lying to himself. Even Alex knew that this dilemma wouldn’t go anywhere. He would see Zach again and that could confirm his suspicions. Maybe he could put some space between him and Charlie, because the last thing he needed, and the issue was enough per se, was to have another crush on a straight friend. 

And on the night before Justin came home, and before Christmas and a new semester, Alex looked at the king bed from the not so comfortable mattress on the floor. Charlie was asleep, embracing the duvet, with one leg hanging out of the covers. Alex smiled, and he knew he was going to miss those few days. 

He just had to figure everything out. Keep the secret. Don’t let it show.


End file.
